Hosting Tips From a Former Wedding Planner (and how to NOT be “that” guest)
Through my years of running my wedding and event planning company, personally hosting and throwing events, and working in my dad’s restaurant and catering business, you could say I’ve learned a thing or two about hosting and being hosted.
I won’t get into the nitty-gritty details because I know you know the importance of planning the menu, the music, the drinks, the guest list, the decor, and the flow of the event. Rather, I’m sharing my tried and true tips for hosting with as little stress as possible, as well as how to be a good guest so you always get invited back.
Tips when you’re the host
Prioritize getting ready over deep cleaning
First, it is actually acceptable to have a messy kitchen and messy floors. Why? Because you’re hosting and people won’t think twice if you have a few dishes in your sink or crumbs on the floor. And you know both will be messy once the party starts. Save your time on the deep cleaning and instead, focus on getting YOURSELF ready.
Why? Because you can’t open the door in your bathrobe and you definitely can’t be locked away in your bathroom getting ready when guests arrive. So be sure to get ready well before guests arrive. It’s 100% okay for you to be lighting candles or putting out food – but opening the door in your sweats? Not so much!
Give yourself time for a celebratory moment before guests arrive
A must in my house is to pour a celebratory drink to cheers myself or my partner before anyone arrives. As the host, you set the tone for your party, and it’s always better to be relaxed and present than stressed and running around like crazy trying to “manage” the details.
Get your bathrooms ready
Something I learned many years ago is that you can have a full sink, crumbs on your floor, and toys out (gasp), but if your garbages are full and your bathroom is dirty, it gives a bad impression of everything else. (Hence why during my wedding planning days, I made sure my team and I checked the bathrooms periodically to wipe counters, pick up trash, etc – yes, it wasn’t ‘our job’ but if you’re a wedding planner, you know that EVERYTHING reflects on you on event day, and we were never too good to clear plates or help the catering staff…remember, I grew up the caterer’s kid, so I was always the one at the event serving and clearing and cleaning).
That being said, bathroom priority #1 is to make sure the garbages start out empty.
Then, make sure the toilet paper roll has at least half remaining with a few backup rolls nearby. Fill the soap dispenser (bonus if you put out a hand lotion as well), provide disposable hand towels (cloth towels are for display only when hosting), and put something scented (typically a diffuser, LOVE Nest diffusers). If you’re hosting around the holidays, I like to have something seasonal in every room, so don’t forget to add a little decor or greenery to spruce things up a bit.
Clear your drop zones
Guests will drop purses, bags, shoes, boots, and the like in your entryway, so make sure it is cleared and straightened to begin the event. Make sure there are ample empty coat hangers in the front closet and available hooks as well. If you have a nice rug in your entry, you can reduce muck being brought in by putting an entrance mat outside the front door.
Five minutes before event time
It’s all about the ambiance. Five minutes before guest arrival time, light the candles, dim the lights, and get the music going.
Remove the bottlenecks
Think about flow, circulation, and gathering spots. How will people move about in your home during the event? People often congregate at the bar and in the kitchen. I recommend having two areas for drinks. BOTH away from the main prep area.
If you can, consider bringing in someone to manage the bar: pouring drinks, opening beers, etc. Hiring someone for just a few hours will instantly elevate your event and take a ton of stress off the host.
Mingle but don’t get stuck!
When introducing people who have not previously met, provide a connection point to naturally jumpstart their conversation so you can chat for a minute, then continue mingling with the rest of your guests.
Example: “Jenny I want you to meet Sarah. She also does X for work and travels to New York often.”
“Scott, I want you to meet Tom, he played basketball in college. Tom, Scott also played in college and still plays in a community league.”
Don’t forget about the kids
If there will be lots of young kids, make sure there are toys and activities available to keep them busy. I recommend hiring a babysitter or two for the event to manage the kids and keep everyone safe and having a good time.
TIPS WHEN YOU’RE THE GUEST
Respond please
If you received an invitation with an RSVP date, remember that RSVP means “respond please” (not “only respond if you aren’t coming”). Whether it’s a yes or a no, be sure to respond soon after receiving the invite. It is rude not to. The hosts need to know if you’re coming or not.
Do not - I repeat - do not arrive early!
This can create a big problem for the hosts, as they are managing last-minute preparations. They will not be able to accommodate your early arrival. Drive around the block (many times!!!) if necessary.
Don’t bring a gift that requires work!
Bringing a hostess gift is common practice. It is better to bring something small than to bring nothing at all. However, don’t bring anything you expect your host(s) to use that evening, and definitely don’t bring anything they need to plate, prepare, or arrange. Here are some no-fail gifts:
A hand soap & lotion kit
A bottle of wine or champagne
Kitchen hand towels
Flowers can be a good gift BUT ONLY IF you arrange them and bring them in a vase, not in floral wrapping. AND, if you expect them to be displayed that night, make sure to find out the colors and theme for the decor. Don’t burden the host by creating extra work for them to arrange flowers on the spot during the event.
Be ready to remove your shoes
In our house, we have a no-shoe rule. Do you know how dirty it is outside, especially in the winter? Sludge. Salt. Mud. BLEH. So we ask guests to remove their shoes, and we provide them with house slippers (for casual get-togethers). Most of our family members automatically pack slippers or house shoes because they know our house rule.
And if it is a no-shoe house, you’ll want to make sure you have nice matching socks on!
Don’t hog the host
Be aware that the host/hostess is quite busy during the event. Don’t overly engage them to allow them the time they need for hosting. Instead, mingle and converse with other guests. Do your part in keeping the event fun and interactive.
Mind your children
If your kids are also invited to the party, do not ignore them and let them do whatever they want. Be a good parent guest as well and make sure your kids follow the house rules.
We have a lake house and oh my goodness you would not believe the stories of how other people and their kids behave at our home. I can’t even.
If it’s an adults-only party, then obviously, that means you’ll need to find care for your kids. And if you can’t, DO NOT ask the host if you can bring your kid(s). It creates an awkward situation for them as well as for other guests who actually did find and pay for care for their children.
Planning and clear expectations are key
Just like in the client experience you design for your company (and that you expect when you hire a business to help you), it’s all about setting expectations and being prepared. And yes, we have a Lake House Welcome Guide we send to guests we host.
Being on a body of a water with a 115 pound dog, our welcome guide keeps everyone safe and allows us to enjoy hosting.
If you’re an interior designer or wedding planner and need to prepare your clients and set expectations so everyone (including YOU) can enjoy the experience, be sure to check out my Client Experience Templates in the Design Library.
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