Dear Dakota: How To Handle a Toxic Relationship With a Contractor

Dear Dakota,

I have been working with a builder for almost 3 years. He is continually changing his process and his projects are a time suck. He is not accountable for his own process and I found out last week he threw me under the bus to cover his own ass. I'm finally at a crossroad and wondering if I need to stop working with him. However, his business is a consistent cash flow. One of his "project managers" hates working with designers. He will purposely not call anyone on my team for tile walks, paint walks, etc. because he doesn't want to deal with us telling him things are installed incorrectly. I have spent hours and hours of my time with his clients and honestly feel bad for them. I know they have no idea what's going on behind the scenes and I feel totally stuck. HELP!

MY RESPONSE:

This is such a sad situation, and one I’m sure others have experienced as well. It’s a shame there are companies out there GETTING HIRED that don’t take responsibility for their own actions, don’t communicate adequately and honestly, and mistreat other professionals - especially those who share the same common goal: taking care of the client and creating a beautiful home for them.

My heart breaks for you and for anyone dealing with a toxic working relationship!

Your message says he provides cash flow, yet also that his process is horrible, he takes no responsibility, his projects are a time suck, his team hates designers, and they throw you under the bus.

To me, this sounds very inefficient and time consuming, two things that often are NOT tied to positive cash flow. I would question if these projects are actually worth the money you are being paid when you consider the time, damage control, and brainspace they seem to require. If you actually looked at all the hours you are working and the amount you are being paid, are you being compensated adequately based on market rates and your expertise? 

There is a cost for you to do business - and it’s not just based on your time spent on a particular project or how much you pay your team. You have to consider the opportunity cost as well - by saying yes to these projects, you have to turn down others…ones that may be with dream clients and organized professional contractors. 

Another cost you MUST consider is the cost this toxic work relationship is placing on your physical and emotional health and well being. I would be concerned that at the end of the day, the stress these projects cause you, and the ongoing nature of the hostile working relationship could actually be more costly in terms of physical and emotional stress than any revenue these projects may generate for your company.  

Working on these projects also feels incredibly risky. On one hand, he is speaking negatively about your company, tarnishing your reputation with clients who surely won’t want to move forward with hiring you for their interior design project if they think you’ve made tons of mistakes. I would also be concerned that being tied to this contractor's projects could eventually hurt your reputation. They likely have a reputation themselves among designers and architects as being unprofessional and difficult to work with. Definitely think twice about how your association with them could reflect on your company. 

It also doesn’t sound like he’s operating with much integrity - what if he decides to not pay you? What if he tries to file a lien against you for a suggestion you made that went south because of faulty install? What if..what if…what if…never a good idea to tie your boat to a sinking ship. 

I also know something about you: you care about your business, about providing your clients with an awesome experience, about working efficiently, about streamlining the entire process so your clients get the result they want without all the stress - I know that because you read The Weekly Install and sent in this question. 

You and your company are meant to make beautiful spaces for clients who love and appreciate you - don’t let anyone get in between you and that goal.

I know you have compassion for the unfortunate clients already working with this contractor. You may be motivated by guilt or fear that — without your involvement — these clients may be  even worse off in their interactions with this company. 

However, you need to protect YOUR business enterprise. I personally would not take projects with this contractor and their company anymore. It sounds like the price you pay in frustration and anxiety and the risk of your reputation outweighs the benefit. 

When giving advice to designers who have to weigh the benefit of ongoing business and revenue against the negatives associated with being in a stressful collaboration, I do want to include a caveat. There may be some situations where you can adjust your roles and responsibilities so you don’t need to sever ties completely with a revenue-generating business relationship. 

If you have a working relationship with a builder or contractor that has been problematic, BUT there are some positives (such as: you love the clients, you love the contractor's process, you have opportunities for area exposure and reputation building by being involved with this project, you're generating product sales, you get great finished photos, you're tapping into a new market, etc.), you could consider staying on in a DESIGN ONLY capacity. This would be an arrangement where the builder or the client purchases a block of hours from you, you put the design together on your schedule based on your timeline, then you present everything to the builder or client ONE time. You don't even need to provide a revisions window. The final deliverable is the specs which you will give to the builder and/or client for their implementation. When you prepare their specs, you’ll just have to be detailed in providing install instructions if needed (for lights, tile, etc.).

So in this case, you would be providing considerable design assistance to the client, but would not be involved in the implementation or construction administration phase (meaning no ongoing support, project management, change requests, site visits, etc.). You save yourself the frustration of working with the problematic contractor with poor project management skills and can design in a way that is profitable and efficient. 

However, you must judge when a situation is too difficult to be worth your time and energy, and know when to draw the line.

In conclusion, if a company you collaborate with is outwardly toxic, throws you under the bus, is a time suck, and is bringing you projects you don't even like - all signs, in my mind, point to BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Think about the space you can open up to work with clients you love - professionals who raise you up - work that is seamless and efficient - timelines that are clear and understandable - you get the idea. YOU DESERVE THIS!!!

Saying NO to this contractor could open up a world of better projects for you.

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